The Truth About Happiness

“A man’s as miserable as he thinks he is.” — Seneca

To paraphrase the sage wisdom of many great philosophers: “Shit happens.” And yet, today more than ever, people feel entitled to happiness. They believe that they should live in a universe where nothing goes wrong, everything goes according to plan, and no one is an asshole. 

It’s a beautiful dream, but it’s time to wake up to reality.

This is a difficult truth to accept, because we all know at least one person — a relative, a friend, a co-worker — who’s always happy. You know the type: they never complain, they’re never in a bad mood, and they’re always smiling. There’s a word for these people:

Annoying.

I’m kidding, but it often feels that way. It feels that way because we’re jealous. We want what they have. We want to know what they know. If you’re as terrible as I am, you may have even wished you were as stupid as them, because only someone that stupid could be so happy. I can still hear my old self complaining: “Just look around! Life is boring and meaningless! Can’t they see? The world sucks! [pause for dramatic effect] …Doesn’t it?”

No. It really doesn’t, and they’re not stupid; they’re simply more fortunate.

Being happy is easier for some people, just like how being thin is easier for some people. Some people can eat three Big Macs, a bag of Cheetos, and a half dozen Twinkies in one sitting and they don’t gain an ounce. Other people aren’t so lucky — they take one bite of a Kit Kat bar, pass out for an hour, and wake up a full dress size bigger. Life’s an unfair bitch.

Truth be told, those people can stay thin, but it takes a lot more effort, a lot more work, and a lot more willpower on their part.

And, as Dr. Sonja Lyubomirsky, author of The Myths of Happiness, explains:

“You can make yourself happier just like you can make yourself lose weight. But like eating differently and going to the gym faithfully, you have to put in the effort every day. You have to stay with it.”